1st Kings 8:38
When all your people Israel pray and ask for help, as they acknowledge their pain and spread out their hands toward this temple,
Sorry this post will be short and sweet. The past week has been a mix of pain, mumbled cursing, tears, oils and rejoicing. Life here at CBCC is concentrated compared to the world and yet is the world, if all your co-workers were Christians with same goal of following Christ. I’ve made dozens of friends here. Some I hope to remain in contact and perhaps visit. I’ve laughed more than a cried. I’ve discovered my own range of intelligence and are appreciated on several levels. I’ve realized that I do exist and can be present without making a presentation every time. It’s freeing. That’s the key phrase this summer. Freedom. An unlocking of barred doors in my life. I’m preparing for the next phase of my life in the best way I can. I know there’ll be rough seas ahead of this time of teaching but that’s another thing I’m learning here. How to sail, by the end of the summer I’ll be a sailor because I sail. I feel the confidence and pride God has in me and my work. People ask my advice and I do my best to advise them. It feels good to be wanted and trusted with the smallest of things. From watching over a friends property for ten minutes to sitting with someone who is overwhelmed. There is a great source of self-worth in being truly trusted. It makes me want to cry at times. If you knew me then you’d know that I’ve struggled with trust and abandonment issues. I say them out loud to reveal them in the light. I don’t want to suffer from their bonds anymore. It’s already been a long summer and I know that after this time of concentrated learning there will be yet more to learn. More issues to work through. That is for then not now. Here I am JJ; funny, caring, dedicated and accepting. I like her very much.
This last few days have been a little unsure. The change over I spoke of in my last blog didn’t go as well as I wanted. While we were sending our crew away at 2:08pm Marci and I (due to maintenance issues) stayed till 2:45pm I was in pain by the end of the day. My demeanor dips significantly into angry and it’s very plain. My co-workers know when I’m upset. I wear my emotions like a canvas with ever changing paint. This is both good and bad. In this case goodish. At lease eveyone knew I was in great pain and felt useless for being so slow. Compared to my normal speed I was moving at sloth speed. We couldn’t afford that! I did what I could and got my floor done by the time we sent our crew away. It all worked out. All the buildings were done before 3pm. This next change over will go better though. Since then my foot has healed significantly! Praise God! Using essential oils (Frankincense and Deep Blue) to sooth my aching feet. I’m not longer limping but walking normally and at full speed now. I’ve been able to speak about the oils with people as I’ve used them to heal my body. It’s very exciting. Back to my miserable week; the most frustrating part was taking several steps back in ability. To be one of the fastest Housekeepers (and accurate) and be diminished to the slowest. It was a lesson in humility and taking good care of your tools. When you overwork yourself you can’t be as effective for long. Thank you God for that lesson.
As for the spiritual lesson this week. Our SNL (sunday night live) was just one long worship session. It was amazing. I’d like to quote as experience that I wrote down while meeting the spirit in worship.
“The musicians begin. The melody unfamiliar, yet true. You were there, there with us in that little church. As the music vibrated through the air you invited me to you. Waiting…Like a gentleman your patience a bottomless well. I in my body remain but I in my spirit rise higher as you call. We rise higher and higher until we’re dancing to the song. The sound swells and suddenly we are one. I can feel your heart beat in my chest along with mine. A warm flush over takes me as I resettle into my mortal coil. I have felt the heart of God. Thudding steadily in my breast, while mine own taps our a rapid tempo. Too overwhelmed to believe the events that just occurred. You ARE the Desire of our HEARTS! YOU ARE OUR HEARTS!”
I thought a lot of my late sister, Jennifer. How I begin stories about her then end with ‘She’s dead now’ which shocks people out of the hilarity of the tale. I don’t mean to scare people in this way. It’s more theraputic for me. Jennifer is indeed no longer here as we know it. I miss her everyday and am still grieving the loss of her wonderful light. As I anticipate events in my life where her comfort and wise counsel I see the clever manuver of her ascent. Jennifer would have told me to look to God for wisdom and so to make the point crystal clear she removed even herself from blocking God in my life. Well played, Sis. This may of seemed like a tangent but it has everything to do with how I’m processing my life right now. I’m here and now and everyday I think of how proud she is of me, and how she’d have come seen me a dozen times by now. I was told lately that I seemingly have my ducks in a row. This is not true but I’m working on it. They are at least in the same pond.
At the end of this week it’s change over again. It seems my days are marked by the beginning and ending of that fateful day. It truly marks the beginning of my week. The best part is that we now have our Housekeeper’s shirts for this year. They are black T-shirts and are awesome! While the crews where those ridiculous white polos housekeeping get to wear black and we basically look like a super coordinated gang. This coming change over (with renewed ability) I plan on walking away at 2:10 we’ll see how it goes. For now I leave with this quote:
“Accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory.” General George S. Patton